My "Unemployment" Issue [PART 2]

The reason I write this post is as a word of advice to people planning on moving to Nashville. I nine-out-of-ten advise you to NOT with at Vanderbilt if you do not want an unpleasant experience. Allow me to explain a few solid facts about my experience:

FACT #1: MY OWN EXPERIENCE

* I received a job offer by phone to work at VUMC on July 16th. Between July 17th (the last day I spoke with my supervisor who hired me) and August 8th I tried to contact my supervisor both by email and/or phone six times with questions about my position including the dress code, my schedule, and benefits. On August 8th I finally called someone else at Vanderbilt and was informed that my supervisor no longer worked there. She had left weeks ago. I now had a new supervisor. VUMC NEVER TOLD ME.

* On August 5th VUMC sent me an important document as part of my background check process that I unfortunately forgot to fill out amid the bouts of paperwork sent to me. This was my own fault, and I admit to that. That said, when I was informed on August 23rd that I could not start work on the day they had asked me to start because my background check had not finished going through I called and emailed HR incessantly to see if something had gone a miss or if there was anything I could do to speed up the process. My tentative start date had been August 26th. --> Between August 23rd and September 13th I have proof in my phone records that I call VUMC HR by phone MORE than fifteen times and emailed them five times trying to figure out why I couldn't start and if there was any possible way to speed up the process. 

Early on, when I sensed that HR was not taking my concerns seriously, I began calling the background check authorities myself to see if something was wrong. On September 6th, I personally called the Tennessee Department of Human Services and the Tennessee Out of State Registry. The Out of State Registry informed me that they were not sure if they had all of my documents. I called HR moments after getting off the phone with the Out of State Registry and asked them to double check that they had sent the New Supplemental Disclosure Form and Out of State Form to the Out of State Registry. I sensed HR was frustrated with me for taking the initiative to call the authorities myself. By phone, they implied that it was their job to work with the authorities. HR did, however, ask me to send them more information regarding the possible missing documents.

On September 10th, I emailed HR that the Out of State Registry had informed me by phone that they were not confident they had copies of The New Supplemental Disclosure Form and the Out of State Form for me. On August 11th, HR was generous enough to offer me a pay raise and Contingent Start the following Monday. 

* Between September 16th and September 27th, I attended Orientation and did two weeks of office work, cleaning, and organizing for my employer. The job I had been hired for was to work with kids in the classroom, but due to my background check still being processed I was not allowed to work in the classrooms. (This makes sense enough.)

* On September 23rd the secretary at my work walked into the room where another new employee and I were doing training while waiting on our background checks. She handed us each a copy of the "Child Care Criminal / Juvenile History & State Registry Review Disclosure Form" to fill out and sign for submission. Both of us asked for clarification on why we were being given this document now. The secretary beat around the bush but, with more questioning, did go so far as to say that something must've gone wrong with the background check. I emailed my mom that day telling her I was suspicious that HR had never given us these documents to begin with but did not want us to know because did not want to take the blame. 

* The week of September 26th, I spoke with a coworker who had recently moved from a different state and was not allowed to be alone with the kids but was allowed to work in the classrooms. I wanted to know the difference between our situations. She said she had personally called and spoken with some of the higher ups working on her background check, and they had gotten some things sorted out. That was the main difference between us.

* On September 26th, I called IdentoGo, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, and DHS personally to look into the status of my background check. By phone, someone at DHS said they were not aware of any problems with the background and that they weren't sure why I wasn't being allowed to work in the classrooms. They told me I would have to take to my HR Department.

* I emailed HR asking for clarification on what was wrong with my background, and one of my supervisor's came downstairs to assure me in person that it must be my state not getting back to them with information. Basically, she didn't want me to put the blame on HR when it was my own home state that was delaying things by not sending Vanderbilt my necessary documents. I sensed she was trying to hush my concerns and that HR was getting worked up about my once again going past them to speak to the authorities and ultimately making them look bad (in the fact that I, as an employee, had to advocate for myself instead of on HR doing it for me).

* (On September 27th around 11:30am I went to VUMC Occupational Health due to dizziness probably partially invigorated by fatigue. The next day I was admitted into the ER and spent a week in the hospital. Because of this I did not see the following email until October 5th, the day  after I returned home from the hospital returning home from the hospital.) On September 27th at 11:14am I received an email from VUMC HR stating, "Sheila, I've just been informed that DHS did not receive your CANS registry forms. Will you please bring the notarized copy to us so that we may mail the required paperwork to the Registry Department?"I am still curious if it was my phone call that led to DHS contacting VUMC or if VUMC finally decided to contact DHS when they realized that if they did not do it then I would contact the authorities myself (this, for the reason noted above, ultimately resulting in their looking bad for not having contacted DHS themselves). 

* On October 7th, the first day I felt well enough to go to the bank after arriving home from the hospital, I went to the bank and had my CANS form notarized. I then took a photograph of the form before dropping it in the mail (simply because that this point I figured HR just might try to claim I never sent the forms in if anything went wrong this time).

* I spent the following two weeks unable to go into work, because I was receiving treatment at the hospital. I asked HR my social worker wanted to know if they needed documentation that I was out receiving medical treatment during that time. They said we would simply talk when I got back. Aside from this and a response to my inquiries about my background check on October 21st, I never heard from HR during this time. 

* When I told HR I would be back at work on October 23rd they had someone calling me the evening of October 22nd. We played phone tag and never got to speak.

* I came into work on October 23rd and someone from HR came in to tell me that as of that day my employment was terminated because my background check had still not come through. They said they would be glad to hire me on once my background check did go through. "We just have nothing for you to do, and it's not fair for us to continue paying you money under these circumstances." (Up to this point, I had worked and was to be paid for two weeks at VUMC.)

When I asked them why they had not gotten back to me when I can phoned and email them at least two times a week for the proceeding month the HR woman said, "It was your own fault that you missed the CANS form, and we can't see what forms you submitted." When I said yes but that I still wanted to know why they had never responded to or looked into my concerns for the entire month of September the HR woman said, "We know you want to put the blame on us, but you will admit it was your own fault that you missed the CANS forms." Yes, I do admit that much, but that doesn't answer the question.

Long story short, I moved to Nashville two weeks sooner than planned because I was asked to start work on August 26th. While my background check getting messed up in August was at least partially if not fully my fault (I'm still suspicious of the forms I was subtly handed and asked to sign on September 23rd without explanation), I have in my phone records that I made OVER 20 CALLS and along with a few emails to HR and other authorities during the month of September and my concerns were brushed aside by HR every time. 

Welcome to the world of dealing with VUMC HR.

This narrative does not even mention how much difficulty I had getting through to and setting up my initial interview with HR after being offered an interview.

FACT #2: OTHER'S EXPERIENCES

* During my two weeks at Vanderbilt I go to speak with some other VUMC employees during their lunch time. When I explained my situation (why I was not working in the classroom), one of them informed me that her background check had taken THREE MONTHS because her fingerprinting documents got lost or messed up TWICE. -- She had been in the same boat with me when it came to resigning her old job and then VUMC not allowing her to work for MONTHS. 

* I recently spoke with a Vanderbilt student about losing my job due to paperwork complications. She informed me that she wanted to validate my difficulties in dealign with HR, because she had multiple friends who worked for VUMC who had MISSED PAYCHECKS. When her friends had complained to HR their response was often, "We'll just add it to your next paycheck."

FACT #3: OVERALL FEEDBACK

* I recently spoke with a friend who confided in me that the moment she learned I was planning on working for VUMC she felt concerned. She had heard so many horror stories from friends or friends of friends who had worked at VUMC. 

* Among it's current and previous employees, Vanderbilt has a REPUTATION for being incredibly disorganized. While I have not shared all the that I know, but I want to share this information simply because there is something called "freedom of speech" and I have learned that as a result of many previous employees not sharing their stories many people experience this again and again.

Make It Ok

Ok, guys. I have made some amazing friends during my unpredictable adventures in Nashville, and every time one of them shares vulnerably with people I feel a HUGE sense of empowerment and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Because of the amazing impact their unashamedly sharing their stories has had on me, I would like to briefly share more of my story here… 

Selfishly I may want to save the story with me, and that is ok. But lovingly I want to share it with others so that they may have the experience of hope and empowerment I have had when others share.

I see people traveling the world and providing for themselves. I see smiling faces and epic journeys. I see people doing it for themselves by themselves and I ask, "What is wrong with me?" Never stopping to consider that perhaps the problem is not me but in my perspective.

Upon moving to Nashville, I thought I had it all worked out. My mental health had been in a good place since March, I had a job lined up, I had a beautiful apartment waiting for me. I moved to Nashville with high hopes...

Here Is My Story

(And yes. You should click on the links, because this is a musical.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPXIgEAGe4U

The cultural shock was amazing. 

I didn't know the stores. I didn't know the roads. Everything was so spread out compared to at home. For Nashvillians "a short drive" was comparable to a decent drive for me back home. I would go from grocery store to grocery store in a state of anxiety looking for the food I wanted. I often ended up tossing food, because it just wasn't edible or of good quality.

The life I was master of at home was not the life I was going to find here. 

On top of everything else my background check for work had still not gone through, so the job I had set up wasn't a job just yet. I spent two weeks sitting around at home not making money but still having to pay rent, gas, groceries, etc. Most days after I went out looking for food I would come home and lay in my bed with the suffocating pressure of anxiety all over my body. 

I reached a point where I didn't even want to exist. I spend hours on the phone trying to get in touch with my boss and when HR told me "just wait... have patience... we're working on it... you just can't start yet" I began calling the authorities themselves to see what I could do to get the process moving. The whole work situation was stressful, but that is a story for another day (or check out one of these links).

Work finally agreed to give me "contingent employment" so that I could come in to do office work and get paid. I still wasn't allowed to work in the classroom with the kids until my paperwork went through. I was very grateful to have the financial stress off my shoulders. That said, work did not have much for me to do and I ran through the projects they had for me to do quickly, so by the end of the first week I was sitting around trying to find things to do to make myself worth my pay. 

Throughout those weeks, I continued to call the higher up's like DHS and the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation to try to figure out what was happening with my background check. Did they really have all the paperwork they needed? From looking at my records they said things looked good and they weren't sure what was holding back my employment in the classroom.

I forgot to mention that throughout these weeks I was very prone to car sickness. I vomited at the wheel on multiple occasions during my ride home from work. With the combination of work stress, shopping stress, and driving stress my body was giving out.

One day I went into work and started doing more non-mandatory trainings, since we had run out of things for me to do. During one of the trainings I saw an image that contained a great quantity of gushing blood. While I sometimes have to take deep breaths at the sight of blood, my body doesn't typically react in such a dramatic fashion. In this instance, however, I felt the blood rush to my toes. I closed my laptop and decided to eat some food.

About fifteen minutes after this occurrence, I heard what sounded like a tornado alarm go off, so I walked upstairs from the staff lounge to make sure everything was okay. It was. As I walked back downstairs I suddenly felt a rush of heat overwhelming the top of my body and my vision began to go hazy. It was difficult to balance myself as I walked downstairs, so I held onto the walls.

Still feeling incredibly dizzy when standing or even sitting, I decided to lay down in the staff lounge and sent my supervisor a quick text that I had experienced a dizzy spell and was resting. She came to the lounge to check up on me and said that she was willing to drive me to Occupational Health if I wanted. I said thank you and that I was going to rest a little bit longer.

About an hour later I went to Occupational Health myself. I felt brushed aside at my appointment. I decided to take the rest of the day off, as my supervisor said I was welcome to do, so I messaged her to let her know. My plan was to do some library returns and stop at a grocery store on my way home. The issue was: I couldn't find the library. 

As I drove in circles looking for the place that my GPS said I was at I developed extreme nausea and back pain with a headache and dizziness. I started driving home, upset that I couldn't get these errands done (my books were due the next day and I was basically out of food at home). As I legit began to gage in the car with my head spinning, I was just glad I made it home safely.

I had a migraine with dizziness and nausea that night (one of MANY since I had moved to Nashville; I averaged at about 2-3 per week) and ended up calling my mom while throwing up in the bathroom until 2am.

The next day my aunt took me to a walk-in clinic where I had an incredibly stressful and devalidating experience that left me in tears. The doctor chided me for coming to a walk-in clinic when I was no longer actually in the middle of a migraine. My goal was to maintain my composure and to get out of there as quickly as possible... then he said a few words that broke me down.

In the midst of my tears, the doctor invited my aunt in and said he thought I should go to the emergency room because I felt hopeless and had lately had thought of not wanting to be alive. (I did not have a suicidal plan or intentions, mind you. I simply no longer had any desire to keep living through this hell.)

The ER was the first place I truly felt validated. I met wish a psychiatrist who knew exactly which doctor I had seen simply from the description. Another physician said he would write up a report on the unethical practice of the doctor when he heard my story.

After speaking with me about my situation / state in life and my health, the doctors wanted me to stay in the hospital for a few days to try some new meds. I was initially taken aback and felt chills at the prospect of being cooped up in the hospital setting for days, but when multiple physicians whom I liked agreed this would be the best decision, my mind was eased and I agreed to stay as a voluntary inpatient.

I spent the following week in the hospital trying new medications while my sleep, eating, and physical state were all monitored. While my fellow patients and I had some negative interactions  of being brushed aside by nurses, some of the nurses where very nice and my fellow patients were impeccable. They kept my spirits up and took me seriously. They understood that life is a struggle and that we're all just trying to make it day by day. I could actually talk about my symptoms and feelings of hopelessness with them, and they could relate. I made some great friends through this experience!

I left the hospital a week later, feeling validated and okay with the slight changes in my medications. I was signed up for a two week program in which I would come to the hospital for six hours a day five days a week. The doctors described it as "school for mental health." I met even more amazing friends through this program. Lifelong friends, I believe!

Four days ago I finished this program and three days ago I went into work to be informed that due to some missing documents (partially my fault, partially the employers fault) my employment was terminated. I had been fed up in dealing with this employer since struggling to set up my interview in July, so while this experience added a whole new load of financial stress to my life it was also rather "freeing."

I'm currently in a new mental health program (they basically wean you off of your hospital care bit by bit). This program is only nine hours per week. My family has agreed to cover my expenses to alleviate stress while I look for a new job -- something I have felt tremendous guilt about. I was able to talk about this guilt in my current program (which is for young adults ages 18-25) and so many of my peers could relate to those feelings of guilt or of letting down their family.

You could say I'm working on a few things now: 

                             -- Acceptance of help

                             -- Finding a new job

                             -- Not worrying about finding a job instantly

                             -- Accepting where I am at in life (and that I am not a failure but a fighter)

                             -- Accepting that God is using me to bring His love to others through this 

                                humbling experience

That about sums things up for now.

Since April I have felt God was calling me to Nashville, but I wasn't sure why. I certainly never could have predicted the story I would come home with. I guess it all goes to show that: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BOn-B97dbo

God's plans are beyond what we could ever imagine, 

sometimes the easy way isn't the best way, 

the most difficult and important lesson in life may be accepting love with humility,

and God will use you where you are planted regardless of where that may be.

~*~

THIS IS FOR YOU:
I share this story to bring you hope. You are not alone.

One Chapter At A Time

Nashville has been one crazy adventure so far, and even my closest friends don't know my story down to every detail. I want to make sure people know that, if I do open up to you over the next few weeks or months (or years) about things that have happened in Nashville, the fact that I didn't open up to you sooner does not reflect on my not caring about or loving you.

The truth is...

When A LOT happens, there is A LOT for a girl to process, and sometimes the only thing she can do is take one day at a time and turn to the people and resources she needs in the moment in order to get by. As one friend told me by phone: "It's your story, and it's your choice who you share it with, when you share it, and how much you choose to share."

If I haven't told you things, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm hiding them from you. The truth is that it is not reasonably possible to keep people updated on my story.

If I am hiding things from you, it isn't because I don't love you. It's because I need to process me. It's because living itself takes up energy and reliving old experiences would be overload. It's because I'm trying to live in the present. It's because lately EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of my life could fill up AT LEAST an entire chapter in a novel. (I have, in fact, started processing things and telling stories in an autobiography.)

If I don't tell you the whole story or hide some major life occurrences that have happened to me, please don't take it personally. Please don't think it means that our friendship isn't real or doesn't matter to me. It does. But if you care about me you'll at least try to understand that it isn't reasonably possible for me to tell all right this moment.

So... go rock at life! Skype me for updates! But know that I need to be able to tell my story... one chapter at a time.