Is That A Wrap? On My Nashville Venture

* In Perspective *

Ya girl is home, and happier than she's ever been to be here! If you've read everything from Make It Ok to My Unemployment Issues Part 1 and Part 2 you probably already know that Nashville was not at all what I expected.

People may point out "Well, what did you expect moving 800 miles from home, where you don't know anyone, for your first time truly living away from home?" (I'm obviously not counting college or my semester abroad in there.)

The truth is, I think this is the wrong question to ask. Everyone chooses to spread their wings in different ways, and just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean it was the wrong way. Nashville has been a dream of mine since I was sixteen, so I think it makes sense that I would want to take a leap of faith and move across the country.

That said, Nashville and I weren't the match I expected. We were geographically incompatible, my experiences with my employer there were "rough" (that's an understatement), and being away from my immediate family was lonelier and scarier than I had ever imagined, not to mention being away from my familiar surroundings in general. -------- It wasn't just a "you'll adjust" / "you'll get used to" type of lonely or scary. It was an "an integral piece of my heart is not present here" and an "I want everything I used to have -- the people, the roads, the layout, the landmarks -- as if they were a part of me like my heart or my hamstrings" type of sadness. 

* The Experience *

Until the Tuesday night before I left, I didn't think there was anything that made me truly want to come back to Nashville for more than a weekend or week-long visit. (That weekend or week-long visit was naturally be to see Nashville friends and family, because YES there are some pretty incredible people in Nashville.)

The Tuesday before moving home from Nashville I went to a Theology on Tap event. I met some truly amazing people and found a community that I would really like to grow in closeness with and get to know better. This community includes amazing authors and artists, but it isn't the title of "author" or "artist" that draws me to these people, it's the stories they tell through their writing, music, etc.

The night I was at that event, I shared with people that I was going home for a month or two to get support and heal through my familiar surroundings. My plan at this time was that I really was only going home for a month or two and would return after the holidays to start afresh. 

I realized that night that I did want to come back to connect with this deep community more (a community filled with stories of loss and healing and all things in-between), but I knew I legitimately would not be able to breath if I didn't go home to do some healing where I felt safe, supported, and familiarized. 

Over the following days I came to the realization that tearing myself from my home to come back so soon (after say a month or two) did not seem like a healthy decision. I felt too much pressure to do that healing over one to two months. I felt like I would come back and the same chaotic chapter would happen again: the anxiety and depression, the loneliness, the longing for home... The thought of coming back to stay so soon didn't bring me feelings of joy but rather of pressure, fear, and even some dread.

Thursday night is when I made plans to not simply bring some of my belongings home to Minnesota but all of my belongings. I knew that a part of me would feel unsettled/unsolved/incomplete if I moved home to heal but left half of my belongings on the other side of the country. I needed to make a concrete decision so that I could start some concrete healing.

From the moment I made the decision to bring everything home on Thursday night, I felt a sense of peace and the constant inner chaos or questioning within me ceased. This is how I knew I had made the right decision: I knew that my body had been waiting and begging for me to make that decision.

At Mass on Friday night my decision was reaffirmed. I felt a peace that I had not experienced in months. It was a peace that I forgot existed. I was finally able to see Christ and sit in peace. I was finally able to put life back in perspective. I felt a peaceful intimacy with Jesus. It was like my chaotic mind had been cleared. I could see what I forgot existed. I could sense a peace I had forgotten even existed. 

We sang hymns at Mass that night is a style that reminded me of my church back home. I felt a perfect peace that could not be shaken, as I looked forward to going home and having the stability to focus on Christ again at Mass and Adoration. It was a peace I could not describe. All through Mass the hymn going through my head and heart was Our Lord singing, "Come home. Come home. Ye who are weary come home. Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for me to come home." 

It was possibly the most clearly I had experienced Our Lord's voice, and it was in the most stark contrast to the way I had been feeling the previous week/month. Just as I had not known it was possible to feel the pain and hopelessness I had experienced the week prior, I had forgotten such a great peace and certainty even existed as what I experienced at Mass that night.

* Possible Prospects *

I felt that same certainty in the days that followed as I packed and moved home. I'm not going to say those days were anxiety-free, but I felt such as complete certainty (one that I couldn't remember the last time I had experienced) and that brought me joy.

On my ride home I considered whether or not returning to Nashville was even something I wanted to do. The question wasn't - is it possible? The question was - do I want to do this? what is the desire of my heart?

A Nashville friend texted me to see if/when I would be back in town for Friendsgiving. After considering whether it would be more joy-bringing or anxiety-inducing repeating the 12-24 hour drive to Nashville so soon, I spoke with my mom and we had a prospective plan... 




That was... until I hit a deer at 65 mph on the interstate, and my world once again turned upside-down.





Before hitting that deer, I had been considering whether or not I wanted to return to Nashville. I knew now that I would experience a terrible emotional strain (like a tearing of the heart) if I lived away from home for more than two or three months.

As noted above, the question was "Did I want to go back?" I no longer felt an obligation to do so, and that was freeing.

I knew that if I did want to go back for one to three months I would need to do this in the next year and a half (while I was still on my mother's insurance) -- that way I wouldn't have to deal with the complications of teetering back and forth between insurance plans and I would have the freedom to work part time or as a nanny without worrying about insurance.

The other question was WHEN to go back. If I only wanted to go for a maximum of three months, what would be the most ideal time? At my current job, we have the opportunity to change out schedule each semester (Fall - Spring - Summer). The Fall schedule lasts four months, the Spring schedule lasts five months, and the Summer schedule lasts three months. I could go "on call" for one of these segments of time if I planned accordingly.

In regard to scheduling at work, staying in Nashville for the summer made the most sense and came with the least complications. The one downside is that weather-wise, summers in Nashville are MISERABLE (90-100 degrees with insane humidity). At the same time, summers in Minnesota were my FAVORITE season (70-90 with typically little humidity). 

That said............ this is ONE summer and, all things considered, summer still presents itself with the most convenient work-scheduling situation (with the least complications for me or my employer). Additionally, I know that I could use at least five to seven months to recuperate, heal, and settle into life back home before returning to Nashville. 

Personally, I would rather not go back to Nashville in the Fall, and Spring 2021 is cutting it close with my 26th birthday (insurance-wise). I would rather be settled into normal, full-time work in Minnesota prior to that birthday.

All-in-all, considering the amazing community I have crossed paths with in Franklin and incredible friends I have made in Nashville, there is a part of me that would life to go back even for a short a period to reconnect and build those things. 

As I mentally consider if there would be a way to put together a Nashville adventure that would be not only possible but healthy and enjoyable, I have taken my stressful experienced and learned from them to create a possible model for enjoying a period of time in Nashville:

If I were to return to Nashville, I would:

* LIVE WITH MY AUNT AND UNCLE for a plethora of reasons including:

-----------not having to stress about 1-rent / 2-necessarily full-time work / 3-the possibility of bailing on another roommate should things not work out
----------having my aunt and uncle there to make sure my proper nutritional intake is not impeded by my fear of / struggle with food shopping in Nashville
----------being conveniently located between downtown Nashville and Franklin so that I could be in more reasonable proximity to work opportunities in both Nashville and Franklin and be in more reasonable proximity to the Parish in Franklin I would like to attend (Franklin is too cute; I would love to be closer to Franklin)

* SIMPLY STAY 2-3 MONTHS, because I could only enjoy Nashville knowing that I will not be estranged from my home-sweet-home (family, friends, streets, etc.) for long.

* PROBABLY STAY IN THE SUMMER, because this would result in the least work complications and the easiest set-up with work (assuming I only wish to spend 2-3 months in Nashville). I think I could handle the heat for a short time as long as I don't have to deal with the other stressors that caused me so much anxiety this past Fall (feeling too far from opportunities, feeling the need to work a full time long term job with benefits, affording rent along with other life expenses, having to either take care of my own food or go hungry, needing to drive around constantly to take care of all these errands and work, etc.)

* EITHER FIND A TEMPORARY JOB, A PART-TIME JOB, OR A NANNY JOB. I have SO MUCH more freedom to do what I want with my months in Nashville if I stay with my aunt and uncle. And, with planning on advance, there's a good chance I'll have something set up before even moving there. Staying with my aunt and uncle (and possibly saving up for the summer a few months in advance) gives me the opportunity to possibly dedicate more of my time to volunteer work or part time work, things are so much more flexible. Being a summer nanny just sounds really fun to me, and I don't have to worry about it being part-time or full-time because rent and benefits are not on my worry list.

My "Unemployment" Issue [PART 2]

The reason I write this post is as a word of advice to people planning on moving to Nashville. I nine-out-of-ten advise you to NOT with at Vanderbilt if you do not want an unpleasant experience. Allow me to explain a few solid facts about my experience:

FACT #1: MY OWN EXPERIENCE

* I received a job offer by phone to work at VUMC on July 16th. Between July 17th (the last day I spoke with my supervisor who hired me) and August 8th I tried to contact my supervisor both by email and/or phone six times with questions about my position including the dress code, my schedule, and benefits. On August 8th I finally called someone else at Vanderbilt and was informed that my supervisor no longer worked there. She had left weeks ago. I now had a new supervisor. VUMC NEVER TOLD ME.

* On August 5th VUMC sent me an important document as part of my background check process that I unfortunately forgot to fill out amid the bouts of paperwork sent to me. This was my own fault, and I admit to that. That said, when I was informed on August 23rd that I could not start work on the day they had asked me to start because my background check had not finished going through I called and emailed HR incessantly to see if something had gone a miss or if there was anything I could do to speed up the process. My tentative start date had been August 26th. --> Between August 23rd and September 13th I have proof in my phone records that I call VUMC HR by phone MORE than fifteen times and emailed them five times trying to figure out why I couldn't start and if there was any possible way to speed up the process. 

Early on, when I sensed that HR was not taking my concerns seriously, I began calling the background check authorities myself to see if something was wrong. On September 6th, I personally called the Tennessee Department of Human Services and the Tennessee Out of State Registry. The Out of State Registry informed me that they were not sure if they had all of my documents. I called HR moments after getting off the phone with the Out of State Registry and asked them to double check that they had sent the New Supplemental Disclosure Form and Out of State Form to the Out of State Registry. I sensed HR was frustrated with me for taking the initiative to call the authorities myself. By phone, they implied that it was their job to work with the authorities. HR did, however, ask me to send them more information regarding the possible missing documents.

On September 10th, I emailed HR that the Out of State Registry had informed me by phone that they were not confident they had copies of The New Supplemental Disclosure Form and the Out of State Form for me. On August 11th, HR was generous enough to offer me a pay raise and Contingent Start the following Monday. 

* Between September 16th and September 27th, I attended Orientation and did two weeks of office work, cleaning, and organizing for my employer. The job I had been hired for was to work with kids in the classroom, but due to my background check still being processed I was not allowed to work in the classrooms. (This makes sense enough.)

* On September 23rd the secretary at my work walked into the room where another new employee and I were doing training while waiting on our background checks. She handed us each a copy of the "Child Care Criminal / Juvenile History & State Registry Review Disclosure Form" to fill out and sign for submission. Both of us asked for clarification on why we were being given this document now. The secretary beat around the bush but, with more questioning, did go so far as to say that something must've gone wrong with the background check. I emailed my mom that day telling her I was suspicious that HR had never given us these documents to begin with but did not want us to know because did not want to take the blame. 

* The week of September 26th, I spoke with a coworker who had recently moved from a different state and was not allowed to be alone with the kids but was allowed to work in the classrooms. I wanted to know the difference between our situations. She said she had personally called and spoken with some of the higher ups working on her background check, and they had gotten some things sorted out. That was the main difference between us.

* On September 26th, I called IdentoGo, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation, and DHS personally to look into the status of my background check. By phone, someone at DHS said they were not aware of any problems with the background and that they weren't sure why I wasn't being allowed to work in the classrooms. They told me I would have to take to my HR Department.

* I emailed HR asking for clarification on what was wrong with my background, and one of my supervisor's came downstairs to assure me in person that it must be my state not getting back to them with information. Basically, she didn't want me to put the blame on HR when it was my own home state that was delaying things by not sending Vanderbilt my necessary documents. I sensed she was trying to hush my concerns and that HR was getting worked up about my once again going past them to speak to the authorities and ultimately making them look bad (in the fact that I, as an employee, had to advocate for myself instead of on HR doing it for me).

* (On September 27th around 11:30am I went to VUMC Occupational Health due to dizziness probably partially invigorated by fatigue. The next day I was admitted into the ER and spent a week in the hospital. Because of this I did not see the following email until October 5th, the day  after I returned home from the hospital returning home from the hospital.) On September 27th at 11:14am I received an email from VUMC HR stating, "Sheila, I've just been informed that DHS did not receive your CANS registry forms. Will you please bring the notarized copy to us so that we may mail the required paperwork to the Registry Department?"I am still curious if it was my phone call that led to DHS contacting VUMC or if VUMC finally decided to contact DHS when they realized that if they did not do it then I would contact the authorities myself (this, for the reason noted above, ultimately resulting in their looking bad for not having contacted DHS themselves). 

* On October 7th, the first day I felt well enough to go to the bank after arriving home from the hospital, I went to the bank and had my CANS form notarized. I then took a photograph of the form before dropping it in the mail (simply because that this point I figured HR just might try to claim I never sent the forms in if anything went wrong this time).

* I spent the following two weeks unable to go into work, because I was receiving treatment at the hospital. I asked HR my social worker wanted to know if they needed documentation that I was out receiving medical treatment during that time. They said we would simply talk when I got back. Aside from this and a response to my inquiries about my background check on October 21st, I never heard from HR during this time. 

* When I told HR I would be back at work on October 23rd they had someone calling me the evening of October 22nd. We played phone tag and never got to speak.

* I came into work on October 23rd and someone from HR came in to tell me that as of that day my employment was terminated because my background check had still not come through. They said they would be glad to hire me on once my background check did go through. "We just have nothing for you to do, and it's not fair for us to continue paying you money under these circumstances." (Up to this point, I had worked and was to be paid for two weeks at VUMC.)

When I asked them why they had not gotten back to me when I can phoned and email them at least two times a week for the proceeding month the HR woman said, "It was your own fault that you missed the CANS form, and we can't see what forms you submitted." When I said yes but that I still wanted to know why they had never responded to or looked into my concerns for the entire month of September the HR woman said, "We know you want to put the blame on us, but you will admit it was your own fault that you missed the CANS forms." Yes, I do admit that much, but that doesn't answer the question.

Long story short, I moved to Nashville two weeks sooner than planned because I was asked to start work on August 26th. While my background check getting messed up in August was at least partially if not fully my fault (I'm still suspicious of the forms I was subtly handed and asked to sign on September 23rd without explanation), I have in my phone records that I made OVER 20 CALLS and along with a few emails to HR and other authorities during the month of September and my concerns were brushed aside by HR every time. 

Welcome to the world of dealing with VUMC HR.

This narrative does not even mention how much difficulty I had getting through to and setting up my initial interview with HR after being offered an interview.

FACT #2: OTHER'S EXPERIENCES

* During my two weeks at Vanderbilt I go to speak with some other VUMC employees during their lunch time. When I explained my situation (why I was not working in the classroom), one of them informed me that her background check had taken THREE MONTHS because her fingerprinting documents got lost or messed up TWICE. -- She had been in the same boat with me when it came to resigning her old job and then VUMC not allowing her to work for MONTHS. 

* I recently spoke with a Vanderbilt student about losing my job due to paperwork complications. She informed me that she wanted to validate my difficulties in dealign with HR, because she had multiple friends who worked for VUMC who had MISSED PAYCHECKS. When her friends had complained to HR their response was often, "We'll just add it to your next paycheck."

FACT #3: OVERALL FEEDBACK

* I recently spoke with a friend who confided in me that the moment she learned I was planning on working for VUMC she felt concerned. She had heard so many horror stories from friends or friends of friends who had worked at VUMC. 

* Among it's current and previous employees, Vanderbilt has a REPUTATION for being incredibly disorganized. While I have not shared all the that I know, but I want to share this information simply because there is something called "freedom of speech" and I have learned that as a result of many previous employees not sharing their stories many people experience this again and again.

Make It Ok

Ok, guys. I have made some amazing friends during my unpredictable adventures in Nashville, and every time one of them shares vulnerably with people I feel a HUGE sense of empowerment and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Because of the amazing impact their unashamedly sharing their stories has had on me, I would like to briefly share more of my story here… 

Selfishly I may want to save the story with me, and that is ok. But lovingly I want to share it with others so that they may have the experience of hope and empowerment I have had when others share.

I see people traveling the world and providing for themselves. I see smiling faces and epic journeys. I see people doing it for themselves by themselves and I ask, "What is wrong with me?" Never stopping to consider that perhaps the problem is not me but in my perspective.

Upon moving to Nashville, I thought I had it all worked out. My mental health had been in a good place since March, I had a job lined up, I had a beautiful apartment waiting for me. I moved to Nashville with high hopes...

Here Is My Story

(And yes. You should click on the links, because this is a musical.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPXIgEAGe4U

The cultural shock was amazing. 

I didn't know the stores. I didn't know the roads. Everything was so spread out compared to at home. For Nashvillians "a short drive" was comparable to a decent drive for me back home. I would go from grocery store to grocery store in a state of anxiety looking for the food I wanted. I often ended up tossing food, because it just wasn't edible or of good quality.

The life I was master of at home was not the life I was going to find here. 

On top of everything else my background check for work had still not gone through, so the job I had set up wasn't a job just yet. I spent two weeks sitting around at home not making money but still having to pay rent, gas, groceries, etc. Most days after I went out looking for food I would come home and lay in my bed with the suffocating pressure of anxiety all over my body. 

I reached a point where I didn't even want to exist. I spend hours on the phone trying to get in touch with my boss and when HR told me "just wait... have patience... we're working on it... you just can't start yet" I began calling the authorities themselves to see what I could do to get the process moving. The whole work situation was stressful, but that is a story for another day (or check out one of these links).

Work finally agreed to give me "contingent employment" so that I could come in to do office work and get paid. I still wasn't allowed to work in the classroom with the kids until my paperwork went through. I was very grateful to have the financial stress off my shoulders. That said, work did not have much for me to do and I ran through the projects they had for me to do quickly, so by the end of the first week I was sitting around trying to find things to do to make myself worth my pay. 

Throughout those weeks, I continued to call the higher up's like DHS and the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation to try to figure out what was happening with my background check. Did they really have all the paperwork they needed? From looking at my records they said things looked good and they weren't sure what was holding back my employment in the classroom.

I forgot to mention that throughout these weeks I was very prone to car sickness. I vomited at the wheel on multiple occasions during my ride home from work. With the combination of work stress, shopping stress, and driving stress my body was giving out.

One day I went into work and started doing more non-mandatory trainings, since we had run out of things for me to do. During one of the trainings I saw an image that contained a great quantity of gushing blood. While I sometimes have to take deep breaths at the sight of blood, my body doesn't typically react in such a dramatic fashion. In this instance, however, I felt the blood rush to my toes. I closed my laptop and decided to eat some food.

About fifteen minutes after this occurrence, I heard what sounded like a tornado alarm go off, so I walked upstairs from the staff lounge to make sure everything was okay. It was. As I walked back downstairs I suddenly felt a rush of heat overwhelming the top of my body and my vision began to go hazy. It was difficult to balance myself as I walked downstairs, so I held onto the walls.

Still feeling incredibly dizzy when standing or even sitting, I decided to lay down in the staff lounge and sent my supervisor a quick text that I had experienced a dizzy spell and was resting. She came to the lounge to check up on me and said that she was willing to drive me to Occupational Health if I wanted. I said thank you and that I was going to rest a little bit longer.

About an hour later I went to Occupational Health myself. I felt brushed aside at my appointment. I decided to take the rest of the day off, as my supervisor said I was welcome to do, so I messaged her to let her know. My plan was to do some library returns and stop at a grocery store on my way home. The issue was: I couldn't find the library. 

As I drove in circles looking for the place that my GPS said I was at I developed extreme nausea and back pain with a headache and dizziness. I started driving home, upset that I couldn't get these errands done (my books were due the next day and I was basically out of food at home). As I legit began to gage in the car with my head spinning, I was just glad I made it home safely.

I had a migraine with dizziness and nausea that night (one of MANY since I had moved to Nashville; I averaged at about 2-3 per week) and ended up calling my mom while throwing up in the bathroom until 2am.

The next day my aunt took me to a walk-in clinic where I had an incredibly stressful and devalidating experience that left me in tears. The doctor chided me for coming to a walk-in clinic when I was no longer actually in the middle of a migraine. My goal was to maintain my composure and to get out of there as quickly as possible... then he said a few words that broke me down.

In the midst of my tears, the doctor invited my aunt in and said he thought I should go to the emergency room because I felt hopeless and had lately had thought of not wanting to be alive. (I did not have a suicidal plan or intentions, mind you. I simply no longer had any desire to keep living through this hell.)

The ER was the first place I truly felt validated. I met wish a psychiatrist who knew exactly which doctor I had seen simply from the description. Another physician said he would write up a report on the unethical practice of the doctor when he heard my story.

After speaking with me about my situation / state in life and my health, the doctors wanted me to stay in the hospital for a few days to try some new meds. I was initially taken aback and felt chills at the prospect of being cooped up in the hospital setting for days, but when multiple physicians whom I liked agreed this would be the best decision, my mind was eased and I agreed to stay as a voluntary inpatient.

I spent the following week in the hospital trying new medications while my sleep, eating, and physical state were all monitored. While my fellow patients and I had some negative interactions  of being brushed aside by nurses, some of the nurses where very nice and my fellow patients were impeccable. They kept my spirits up and took me seriously. They understood that life is a struggle and that we're all just trying to make it day by day. I could actually talk about my symptoms and feelings of hopelessness with them, and they could relate. I made some great friends through this experience!

I left the hospital a week later, feeling validated and okay with the slight changes in my medications. I was signed up for a two week program in which I would come to the hospital for six hours a day five days a week. The doctors described it as "school for mental health." I met even more amazing friends through this program. Lifelong friends, I believe!

Four days ago I finished this program and three days ago I went into work to be informed that due to some missing documents (partially my fault, partially the employers fault) my employment was terminated. I had been fed up in dealing with this employer since struggling to set up my interview in July, so while this experience added a whole new load of financial stress to my life it was also rather "freeing."

I'm currently in a new mental health program (they basically wean you off of your hospital care bit by bit). This program is only nine hours per week. My family has agreed to cover my expenses to alleviate stress while I look for a new job -- something I have felt tremendous guilt about. I was able to talk about this guilt in my current program (which is for young adults ages 18-25) and so many of my peers could relate to those feelings of guilt or of letting down their family.

You could say I'm working on a few things now: 

                             -- Acceptance of help

                             -- Finding a new job

                             -- Not worrying about finding a job instantly

                             -- Accepting where I am at in life (and that I am not a failure but a fighter)

                             -- Accepting that God is using me to bring His love to others through this 

                                humbling experience

That about sums things up for now.

Since April I have felt God was calling me to Nashville, but I wasn't sure why. I certainly never could have predicted the story I would come home with. I guess it all goes to show that: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BOn-B97dbo

God's plans are beyond what we could ever imagine, 

sometimes the easy way isn't the best way, 

the most difficult and important lesson in life may be accepting love with humility,

and God will use you where you are planted regardless of where that may be.

~*~

THIS IS FOR YOU:
I share this story to bring you hope. You are not alone.

One Chapter At A Time

Nashville has been one crazy adventure so far, and even my closest friends don't know my story down to every detail. I want to make sure people know that, if I do open up to you over the next few weeks or months (or years) about things that have happened in Nashville, the fact that I didn't open up to you sooner does not reflect on my not caring about or loving you.

The truth is...

When A LOT happens, there is A LOT for a girl to process, and sometimes the only thing she can do is take one day at a time and turn to the people and resources she needs in the moment in order to get by. As one friend told me by phone: "It's your story, and it's your choice who you share it with, when you share it, and how much you choose to share."

If I haven't told you things, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm hiding them from you. The truth is that it is not reasonably possible to keep people updated on my story.

If I am hiding things from you, it isn't because I don't love you. It's because I need to process me. It's because living itself takes up energy and reliving old experiences would be overload. It's because I'm trying to live in the present. It's because lately EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. of my life could fill up AT LEAST an entire chapter in a novel. (I have, in fact, started processing things and telling stories in an autobiography.)

If I don't tell you the whole story or hide some major life occurrences that have happened to me, please don't take it personally. Please don't think it means that our friendship isn't real or doesn't matter to me. It does. But if you care about me you'll at least try to understand that it isn't reasonably possible for me to tell all right this moment.

So... go rock at life! Skype me for updates! But know that I need to be able to tell my story... one chapter at a time.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Pros and Cons

The Pros

1. Meeting Fellow Young Adventurers

One REALLY cool thing about Nashville is that if you meet young adults your age, you're almost BOUND to have something in common! 80-90% of the young adults I have met in Nashville are not Nashville natives. In fact, I would say close to 60-70% of them have moved to Nashville in the past few months. 

This doesn't mean all the young adults in Nashville are newbies. It makes sense that us newbies are interested in and attending similar events as we work on getting to know the area and developing friendships.

Of the people who moved to Nashville, whether in the past couple years or half a decade ago, I would estimate that 60% of us moved their "just 'cause." Nashville is a POPULAR place, and it's AMAZING to learn that SOOOOO MANY PEOPLE share my dream. They want to move to Nashville not necessarily to become musicians or to attend a specific school or work a certain job. They decided to move to Nashville simply because they wanted to. 



And EVERY PERSON I've met here has had the GUTS and the ADVENTURISM in them to make the move! THAT'S pretty cool!

The "crowd" I run in (so to speak) is the Catholic young adults. We already have our faith in common, and having these additional things in common in pretty cool.

I'm also fascinated by the fact that in the past month I've met more people from more states than I've possibly met in my whole life! There are Midwesterners, their are New Yorkers, Californians, Georgians, Floridians, Alabamians?? (is that a word?) 

Even within a shared faith community, you get to learn so much from these people who come from all these different lifestyles and life perspectives from you!

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2. Vanderbilt!

I don't want to step my game too much, but I already love this place! I am honored and proud to be a part of the Vanderbilt FAMILY.

Coming into orientation I was excited but not yet bouncing off walls. But literally through all of orientation, I felt ecstatic. I love that Vanderbilt is a prestigious university. I love it's size. I love the people that work there and the incredible diversity when it comes to age, race, profession, etc. 

I LOVE the professionalism. 

I love how I have so much to learn, so much to explore, a whole CAMPUS for one of the greatest and most respected organizations (in the country) at my feet.

I love the spirit: the pride we take in not only our own work but in each other. I love the camaraderie. I love people being there for each other.

I love that Vanderbilt is more than just a University. It has it's own medical center with MULTIPLE on-campus hospitals. It does prestigious research, and it applies it's findings to it's practice!!!

But yah, when it comes down to it, the people the people the people... I loved the people I met at Orientation. I loved the vibe I got riding the bus with people of all professions, ages, etc. Some of us old and some of us new. 

Imagine all the knowledge I could gain from these people! Imagine all the life stories to be told! And somehow, in each of our lives, life brought us here...

THAT'S SPECIAL.

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 3. My apartment / roommate

This one's more personal, so if you don't know me this probably won't mean as much to you. 

I am so blessed. 

God put everything in place for me. He found me an AMAZING, sweet roommate with SO MUCH IN COMMON (I'll do another post on that later ;)), an affordable rent, and a BEAUTIFUL apartment in a beautiful, safe location with a BEAUTIFUL porch and hardwood floors, MY OWN ROOM and bathroom, an adorable kitchen pre-decorated, etc. etc.

I'm so blessed, guys. Need I say more? Aside from the fact that I have to drive hills to get anywhere, it's PERFECT. 

Thank you, Jesus!

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The Cons

1. SHOPPING --> Locations; Produce; Meats; Selections; Stock

One of my favorite stress-relieving pastimes back home was to window shop: to not buy anything but just walk around stores, look at things, touch the clothes (yes, I'm one of "those" people). In Nashville, there is NO. SINGLE. GREATER. STRESSOR. for me than shopping.

Locations

Stores are so spread out, so I can no longer find all of my things in one place. I think the best way to organize this section is to write a brief rant about each store here and my experience. First, I would like to note that:

1) The stores are spread out, so I have to go on completely different directions depending on where I want to go. Even when there's a shopping mall, I have a hard time finding stores that have what I am looking for. Today I went to five stores before I found one with a simple butter dish.

Understock

2) The stock at the stores is just not good. I visited two or three Dollar Trees in Nashville my first week here and couldn't find what I was looking for. When I went home for a week, I found it to the first Dollar Tree I stopped at. At the Nashville Dollar Trees there are often empty sections where they have run out of stock. The selection is a bit more limited too. 

The same goes for Walmart. Back home, I had no problem finding just about everything I could possibly be looking for at Walmart. These days, I go to Walmart and either can't find something due to smaller selection, the things I want end up being on opposite sides of the stores, they're out of stock on items, or the quality just isn't good (flavorless strawberries, cheap grapes, etc.) and I end up returning or tossing things (that especially goes for food which leads me into......

Selection (produce, meats...)

Produce. I've tried so many stores in Nashville and still haven't found one that supplies affordable, quality food for all of my food groups: meat, produce, bread.... Kroger has decent boxed goods and ok prices, but their fruit is typically already molding or just doesn't look that fresh and appealing. I didn't like the deli meat I got their either and ended up tossing some. (If I explored more I might find something I like.) 

I stopped at Publix at one point and their produce looked better, though still not as ripe and fresh as back home, but their prices were astronomical. Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration, but they were high. Cereals averages around four or five dollars per box. A jumbo bag of veggie straws was close to eight dollars. Even their Pringles were two dollars. Basically, take the cost of an item at Target or Cub and add an extra 1/2 or 1/3 to the cost.

Aldi's is oddly set-up and hard to navigate. It does provide ok boxed goods, sauces, etc. I wasn't a fan of their potato chips, and I never trust their meats (here or back home). Their fruits didn't look that great either (again, mushy or moldy). 

I will give Nashville Target's points for having cute clothes. I'm lucky that there is a Target only a quarter mile out of the way on my way home. It's a weird Target, because it is constructed like there should be too entrances but there is only one, and it's on one of the store. If you're on the side of the store with food there is a wall where Targets typically have doors. It kind of feels like a fire hazard? Their is a smaller selection of produce than in the cities and the prices seemed higher on any fruit that looked ripe or close to ripe.

I went to Trader Joe's a week ago and LOVED the meat and hamburger buns I bought, so I went back this past week. I bought the same items and they were awful. The bread was dry (when I checked it was supposed to be "used by" the day after I bought it) and the meat had so much fat connecting every little piece that I couldn't even pick through it. So I guess Trader Joe's is hit or miss. It's currently out of the way for getting home too and is in a TERRIBLY cramped Mall area when it coms to streets. (Green Hills Mall? Scary streets and rush hour. Bellevue Mall? Not good selection.)

So far I have tried Target, Kroger, Publix, Aldi's, Walmart, and Trader Joe's in Nashville and have had little success finding good produce at any of them. (Trader Joe's might be ok if I remember to eat my fruit before it goes bad next time.) I finally tossed the bread I got at Walmart. The strawberries I got at Walmart looked good but where flavorless even with sugar. Their grapes just seemed cheap and on the verge of becoming prunes. I tossed a package of meat (after trying it two times) and the hamburger buns from Trader Joe's after my second trip there. 

On today's agenda....

Today I went to Dollar Tree then Ross's then Burlington's then Walmart before finding a butter dish (and that was only one of the many items on my list). This past week I went to Walmart, Target, and finally TJ Max to find a good phone case. Fast food is more spread out too, and I've stopped trusting the McChickens in Nashville.

Long story short: Help a girl out! I've tried sooo many places! Where is foooooood?

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2. THE ROADS -->

Hills-Without-End; No Shoulder; Lanes Randomly Ending/Changing; Poor Lighting; Ditches

Hills-Without-End

Hills are a great thing, right? Yes, they are absolutely beautiful to look at. You can see far and wide when there are no trees in the way. Hills are cool. But for driving... yikes.

People who have always lived in Nashville learned to drive these roads from the get-go. For them, it was part of learning to drive. But when a Midwesterner from a generally flat state (with the states around it also being generally flat), learning these roads was a nightmare! 

If driving here simply involved driving up and down straight hills, that would be no problem. But after almost every hill or every other hill there is a sudden turn, and, unless you've memorized these roads by heart, you have no clue which direction your car is supposed to go in the next three yards and you're going 40+ miles per hour (often with an aggressive driver behind you). I'm finally learning to become more comfortable with this driving situation, but I still don't like it. To top it off...

No Shoulder

Nashville roads almost NEVER have ANY shoulder! This is unnerving enough on the highway, but if you want to visit anyone who lives even remotely out of the city you are probably going to have to drive on curvy roads with no shoulder where your car is INCHES from a cliff: whether that be a direct plummet downward into someone's yard or what.

The roads I have pictured here are not the most scary. 

-- 1) I was VERY lucky to have the extra two feet beyond the asphalt before the instant decline, as most roads don't have that. 
-- 2) I took this picture at a point when there wasn't a very deep decline (not a great tactic when you're trying to capture the frightening-ness of these roads).

These are pictures from when I decided to"go for a walk" in my area. Hmmm... with cars turning corners and coming down the hill at you with less than four inches of shoulder for you to walk on much of the time (I kid you not, I tested it with my feet and could not walk off the road unless I put one foot in front of the other or did a sort of tightrope)... maybe that's why people rarely walk places outside of downtown.

Lanes Randomly Ending / Changing

About as annoying as the two things listed above is the fact that lanes suddenly end or become turn lanes with little to no warning. If you don't have the streets memorized, you are going to have to be on HYPER ALERT to keep an eye out for when your lane ends or (more often) suddenly becomes a "turn only" lane.

I haven't spoken with a single non-Nashville-native about the roads who hasn't agreed that they're dreadful or even that they're words I shall not repeat. It's just something else!

Poor Lighting

Driving at night itself isn't fun, but it's even less fun when roads are poorly lit. I think part of the reason that the roads "feel" poorly lit is that with the hills you just can't see what's coming ahead of you. The hills also probably block some of the light from further parts of the street. Driving on the highway usually isn't as dreadful. It's the side roads that you have to take to get anywhere into Belle Meade, Brentwood, or Franklin that sometimes have little to no (yes, sometimes no) lighting. 

With hills and turns and no shoulder before sudden drops, it was especially unnerving to drive at full speed my first couple weeks in Nashville.

Ditches

Ditches aren't the most common thing in Nashville, but you will find that if you take certain roads there is a sudden caving out of the land by the road before you reach someone's yard. Through this ditch flows a stream. Pretty, but scary if you have only two to four inches of shoulder protecting you from it and no more than a foot protecting you from the cars coming at you from the opposite direction in the lane next to you.

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Pro AND Con: The Heat

I'm excited for a warmer winter in Nashville despite my fears of driving down steep hills on ice. That said, HEAT EXHAUSTION is more real than anything! As an introvert, I thought hanging out in a crowded room / in the presence of others was exhausting, but the heat and humidity drains me twice as fast!

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HAVE CHEER!

So there you have it. If you feel bogged down with negativity go back and read the PROS section again. :) Another HUGE pro for me is that, as a result of this Nashville adventure, I have grown in appreciation for the stores and roads back home TENFOLD. Minne, you're cold, but I will not take you for granted ;)

My "Unemployment" Issue [PART 1]

In June, I visited Nashville and stopped by a a child care center I was interested in working at. They told me they were hiring and would send me an application to fill out. I received the application that afternoon and filled it out within the week.

Shortly thereafter, I had a phone interview which was following by a Skype interview. Setting up these interviews; however, proved very difficult due to poor communication. I ended up calling and emailing multiple times in order to get my interviews set up. At this point, I was skeptical of working for an employer that I was already having difficulty working with, but I was assured this was to be expected and was told to have patience because HR was a busy place.

During my Skype interview I was told that all by background work had to go through before I could start work and that this could take up to six to eight weeks for someone from out of state. I said this was okay, because so long as we got the process rolling right away, I should be able to start work around the time I was hoping to (the first or second week of September).

A week after my Skype interview, I received a call and was offered the position with the hours I had hoped for and making only slightly less than what I had asked to be paid. I accepted. They told me shortly thereafter that they hoped I could start work on August 26th granted my background check had been completed by then.

I filled out the paperwork they sent me by email within one to two days.

Over email, I was told that I needed to have Fingerprinting done in order to work with kids. I was asked to set up a time to come in and do so in the next week. I responded telling them that I was out of state and would not be back in Tennessee until late August or early September. I asked if I could have my fingerprinting done somewhere in Minnesota and sent to them. (After all, the Federal Government works in every state.)

They responded that they would not accept Fingerprinting done in the State of Minnesota. I would have to come to Tennessee to be Fingerprinted. At that time, I rationalized that it would be a waste of money to spend two or three hundred dollars to Tennessee for ONE APPOINTMENT prior to moving there. 

Upon further insistence that they would not accept Fingerprinting performed out-of-state, we scheduled my Fingerprinting for the day after I arrived in Nashville in late August. I actually moved down to Nashville a couple of weeks earlier that I had wanted to in order to get my fingerprinting done on August 20th. I was informed they hoped to have me start work on August 26th but that my start day was dependent on when my fingerprints finished processing.

I might add that between the time I was hired and the time I moved to Nashville, the woman who hired me left the company and I got a new supervisor. However, I did not know about this, so for weeks I sent emails to the wrong supervisor before finally calling and being told, "She doesn't work here anymore. You have a new supervisor." Uh, ok. I was finally able to talk to my new supervisor on the phone, and I really liked her.

On August 20th I walked into the Nashville FedEx I was told to go to in order to be fingerprinted. Fingerprinting took less than ten minutes. I really could not logically figure out why a Twin Cities FedEx would have been "less reputable."

I spent the following week getting settled into Nashville: unpacking my things at my new apartment, doing some shopping, organizing my room, seeing family... I called my employer a couple of times later in the week to ask if my Fingerprints had come through yet so that I could start work on August 26th as scheduled. 

When I spoke to my supervisor in person on the 20th, she said that she hoped they could get me Conditional Employment if my fingerprints did not go through right away. With Conditional Employment I could attend orientation and work and make my regular wages. I simply would not be allowed to be left alone with the kids until my fingerprinting was complete.

That week I sent multiple emails, make multiple phone calls, and left multiple messages before I hearing back from HR on the evening of Friday, August 23rd. I was told that my fingerprints had not gone through yet, and I would be unable to start work on the 26th. Due to orientation dates, I had to start work on a Monday, so I would not be allowed to start until at least the following Monday.

Hearing this, I decided that instead of sitting around in Nashville waiting to work, I would go home for a week to do the things I had hoped to do back home before moving to Nashville: the biggest of those things being going to the Minnesota State Fair. I joined my mom for the drive home and flew back to Nashville the following Sunday. It was a much-needed week of refreshment and fun.

My employer promised to call me as soon as my Fingerprints went through and did not contact me throughout that week, so I returned to Nashville with another week of unemployment before me and hoping to start the following Monday.

I emailed and called a few times that week. In an email sent to HR and to my supervisor, I mentioned the possibility of Conditional Employment, because this had not been spoken of since the day I met my supervisor in person. I was told that the Tennessee Department of Human Services would have to approve my Conditional Employment, but they would look into it.

A day later I emailed to ask if they had heard anything. It was Friday, and I was REALLY hoping to FINALLY be able to start work the following Monday. I was informed that they had not heard back but were looking into things.

This is when I decided to look into things a little myself. I called the Department of Human Services to explain the situation and ask about Conditional Employment options. They told me to call the Out of State Registry for the State of Tennessee and gave me the number. I called the Registry and they looked up my information, and they asked me when had sent in my New Supplemental Disclosure Form and Out-of-State Form for the state of Minnesota. 

I told them I wasn't sure, because all the paperwork I had done I had sent to my employer. They told me they couldn't find either of those documents in their files and said I would have to call my employer to find out the document's FAX number and when they were sent.

I called the HR department at my work and was told they didn't have access to any of my paperwork. They asked who I had been working with in HR, so I have them the name of the HR representative I had been working with other the past few months. They told me I would need to call her.

I made the phone call, but the representative didn't answer, so I ended up leaving a message explaining that I had spoken with Out of State Registry and they couldn't find these documents. I asked if I could be told when these documents had been sent over and their FAX number. With this information, I could work further with the Out of State Registry to see if Conditional Employment would be an option.

I didn't hear back from my employer, so I called and was able to chat with the representative. Had the representative gotten my voicemail? Nope. But we chatted a little. If I understand correctly, she said only the employer could work with places like the registry but to tell her what they needed. I cannot start on Monday, September 9th. They will contact me on Monday or Tuesday with further info.

In the meantime, this girl is going to start looking for babysitting jobs.

WELCOME TO ADULTING!!!

Before I get into sharing my experiences and stories living in Nashville, I think it would be helpful to explain a little bit of WHY I moved to Nashville, WHAT I hope to get out of this experience, and my longterm plans related to living in Nashville.

WHY

I will start of by saying that I am by no means trying to "run away" from my Minnesota life by moving to Nashville. I love by life, my job, my home, my living situation, my friends, and family back in Minnesota.

That said, moving to Nashville is something that has been on my mind for a long time. I was never very serious about it until April of this year when the idea came to me. 

As of this past spring, I was (1) working a part time job that I loved but that I felt I was outgrowing and could easily get back if I  left and later returned to Minnesota, (2) living at home where I didn't have to pay rent and was always welcome but also didn't feel I was gaining some of the adulting skills my friends who lived away from home were gaining as young adults--skills like renting an apartment and even working full time, and (3) I was not dating or in a relationship.

In other words, if I wanted to do a "young twenties" adventure that could involve moving someplace out of state or someplace exotic, doing a year of missionary work, traveling..... now was the time. 

My situation was ideal: (1) I could easily leave and come back to my job, (2) I didn't have to worry about ending a lease in Minnesota in order to move, (3) I was assured I was welcome back should I decide to move back home in the future, (4) I wasn't leave a significant other or uprooting a family, as I hadn't reached that stage in life yet, and (5) for the first time in YEARS, my mental health in a stable enough state for me to move away from home and gain skills in independence. 

There had to be a reason I wasn't in a relationship or married like a number of my friends from college. I figured God had a reason and a plan for my being in such a flexible situation. My situation was comfortable and ideal but also stagnant. I was finally in such a healthy place and ready to grow in new ways, but what was the next step? 

My thought: If God has situated me just so at this point in my life...

Maybe God was calling me to take a leap of faith and do something crazy.

So moving out of state it is, and to nowhere else than the place that has been my dream city since I was sixteen. :) 

WHAT

So I've sort of explained why I moved here: to gain some adulting skills and go on an adventure. Now as to "what" my plan is while I'm here...

I got a child care job, so I'm planning on doing that. I love working with kids, and I need to pay the bills. I have a lovely apartment with a beautiful apartment-mate. It's actually a two bedroom two bathroom and quite affordable, so I'm super lucky. All HARDWOOD floors and a beautiful view.

How long am I planning on staying in Nashville? My original thought was I would try one or two years and then decide if I want to stay down here longterm. I'm currently thinking I will only make this a school year-long excursion. I will have my adventure, learn new things, and build new friendships and connections, but ultimately moving here has also made me realize how much I LOVE my home and take for granted back home (good roads, amazing produce, stellar friends, and incredible family). 

With this in mind, I have NO REGRETS in moving to Nashville, and two weeks in I am already learning so much about my self, my values, what matters to me, and about how to stand up for myself and advocate for myself. 

And that is my goal. Simple as that. To grow as a human. This move has already become worthwhile in the things I've learned that I may not have learned any other way. Do I plan to stay here longterm? No, that's not the plan. Home is home. But I'm so blessed and am learning and experiencing new things, and this blog is where you will get to go on this journey of growth with me! Welcome :)